Cold.

 I feel like my parents hate me or not really hate me because if they really did hate me I wouldn't be taken care of. I feel this awkward tension with them since I told them recently how I wanted to die again to be less of a burden in their life. What they don't know is that I attempted on June 18th & sadly failed & woke up June 19th still here.. they just feel so cold towards me lately.. not as talkative, not warm towards me anymore. It feels cold. Sometimes I wonder why god keeps letting me live no matter how many attempts. Why am I still here? I should've died in 2011 the first time I tried to die. All I've done lately is rot in bed, I'm too tired to do much anymore, this depression is weighing me down. Up'd my dosage of my antidepressants. Life doesn't feel normal right now & it sucks. I hate how cold they are towards me right now, but I guess that's part of growing up right? Everyone will just go on & live their own lives. I don't even want to be alive. I know my little cousins would be sad if I wasn't around anymore though.. so I guess I have to keep going for them. All I do is cry alone in my bed every night lately. I wish this feeling in my chest would go away. It's so cold.