Last year i literally said i was going to make a big post to sum up the whole year but i didn't end up doing that and now it's the end of 2023 lol not like anyone really reads this blog of mine but i'll always feel like i should update it cause it is like my online diary. of course i still am severely depressed & on anxiety meds that's not new to this blog of course. i'm still trying my best of course to keep trucking through this life.. i don't know what i'm doing with my life still & maybe i never will ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i'm 28 years old in this moment & i hope next year 2024 my last year of my 20's at 29 i'll find the peace in my heart, soul & mind hopefully but probably not lol thank you for keeping up with me if you still randomly do on this blog. hope you're well. have a nice day everyday~
Monday, December 11, 2023
Tuesday, November 29, 2022
Hello~
i haven't been on here in awhile, probably because i haven't really touched my laptop in a year lol. if anyone does keep up with my public diary aka this blogspot, hello! i'm still alive! LOL but yeah i feel like i'll do one massive big post of 2022 soon~ it's been quite a year indeed.. life's a rollercoaster & we're still here on the ride. also thank you if you've been wondering or checking up on me here.
Sunday, December 12, 2021
☆(*⁰▿⁰*)ノ
- CNBLUE & FTISLAND “Stand Up” 2012 - Los Angeles
- SMTOWN 2012 - Anaheim
- KCON 2012 - Irvine
- Big Bang Alive Tour 2012 - Anaheim
- SBS Super Concert 2012 - Irvine
- Korea Times Music Festival 2013 Hollywood Bowl
- B.A.P Live On Earth 2013 - Los Angeles
- KCON 2013: Backstage Corporate VIP - Los Angeles
- 2AM NOCTURNE 2013 - Los Angeles
- U-KISS U.S TOUR 2014 - Los Angeles
- KBS LA Korea Festival 2014
- BTS SHOW & PROVE 2014
- KCON 2014: Backstage Corporate VIP - Los Angeles
- BTS HIGHLIGHT TOUR 2015: Autograph Session & Hi-Touch - SF
- 2016 Crush 크러쉬 On You Tour: Wonderlust - Los Angeles
- 20170324 Giriboy 기리보이 & Blacknut 블랙넛 - Los Angeles
- 20170402 BTS 방탄소년단 BANGTAN Wings - Anaheim
- 20171101 BeWhy 비와이: The Blind Star - Los Angeles
- 20171118 Just Music: We Effect - Los Angels
- 20171202 Illionaire Ambition: Dok2, The Quiett, Keem HyoEun, Hash Swan & Changmo: US Tour 2017
- 20180204 Astro 아스트로 Global Fan Meeting - Los Angeles
- 20180905/09 BTS 방탄소년단 Love Yourself - Los Angeles
- 20190126 AOMG Los Angeles Concert
- 20190504/05 BTS 방탄소년단 Speak Yourself - Los Angeles
- 20190626 Heize US/Canada Tour - Los Angeles
- 20190717 Twice ‘TWICELIGHTS’ in LA Concert
- 20191028 Hyolyn 효린 Busking @ Santa Monica Pier
- 20191201 Crucial Star 크루셜 스타 @ The Observatory
- 20211201/02 BTS 방탄소년단 Permission To Dance - Los Angeles
idols/khh rappers i’ve met/stood near by haha:
- SHINee’s Key & Onew @ My Local Mall SCP smtown ‘12 weekend
- G.NA @ KCON 2012 Fansign Ticket Pass
- SNSD, BEAST, CNBLUE, KARA & Sistar @ BCD Tofu House
- EXO, F(x), Henry Lau, 2AM, Dynamic Duo, G-Dragon & Teen Top @ kcon 2013 Backstage Corporate VIP Access
- BTS 방탄소년단 BANGTAN, SNSD, Jung Joon Young & Eric Nam @ kcon 2014 Backstage All Access VIP Pass
- BTS Autograph Session & Hi-Touch @ BTS Highlight Tour SF 2015
- Crush 크러쉬 - connection to the venue the concert was held at & was able to attend his LA show for free, watched him rehearse a bit, met him, took picture with him & sat with his production staff during show
- Giriboy 기리보이 & Blacknut 블랙넛 - connection to venue show was held at, backstage access, watched rehearsals, met them in their waiting room, selfies & autograph personalized to me, name written by giriboy~
- BeWhy 비와이 - connection to the venue the concert was held at & i was able to meet him backstage after his show
- Giriboy 기리보이, Cjamm 씨잼, Blacknut 블랙넛, Swings 스윙스, Bill Stax 빌스택스, Han Yohan 한요한, Goretexx 박성진 - connection to the venue the concert was held at, met them before the we effect concert backstage. Walked by me, Nochang 천재노창 & Osshun Gum 최하민.
- Astro 아스트로 M&G photo, Moonbin 문빈, Eunwoo 차은우, Rocky 라키, Sanha 산하, MJ & JinJin 진진
- Jay Park 박재범 @ Sprint X TIDAL Shop Event
- Loco, Simon D, Gray @ AOMG connection to the venue the concert was held at & i was able to meet them backstage after the show
- Hyolyn 효린 @ Santa Monica Pier after her busking
- Crucial Star 크루셜 스타 @ The Observatory after his performance
Auditioned: (6x) SM (1x) YG (1x) JYP (2x) Cube (1x) Pledis (1x) FNC (1x) Starship
Monday, October 4, 2021
Saturday, May 22, 2021
May 22nd 2021 ☁
anything new? not really.. we've been in a pandemic since March of 2020.. honestly it's crazy to think about how things will never be the same from pre-covid times, but on a plus side everyone will be cleaner now & that's something i like as a really clean ocd person who washes their hands so often. i also enjoy wearing masks because it was normal in asia & now i don't really have to worry about wearing makeup etc. also masks are very stylish now too haha, i have so many pretty ones tbh. i feel like i'm the very few people who still cares about being careful & not going out often, because i'm paranoid about getting covid because even being vaccinated isn't 100% either.. but everyone else has kinda pretty much gone back to "normal" in a sense.. it really sucks caring so much.
speaking of caring.. my emotional mental health has been shit this month lol constantly still wanting to unalive myself / thoughts of it, but like it's not like i want to die, i just don't want to live, but i will continue to find purposes to continue on. like my family & friends for example even if my family is one of my biggest triggers when they're not considerate of how they actually hurt my feelings at times lol but whatever the struggles of an asian american juggling intergenerational traumas while healing my inner child all at the same time~ i'm really thankful for the solid friends i have now a days.. like seriously it makes me wanna cry just thinking how much they genuinely care about me. my little cousins who dearly love me & an understanding psychiatrist & paxil pills help too lol
i look back at old posts of mine in my younger years & truly the dark clouds of depression & anxiety hasn't left me at all for a long time now, but that's just living with it as a high functioning person that people forget i have a cloud over me too.
i'm 26 now. things i've been doing? arts & craft to mindlessly do something to distract myself when the overwhelming feeling of anxiety washes heavy over me. listening to music like mitski. i still enjoy photography when i am able to go take photos of sceneries & random views from my POV. i think that's one major thing i miss about traveling is sceneries, unique architectural structures, etc. i feel like lately i've been just regressing back to things i enjoyed as a kid too like tenfold than usual. like yes, i like anime & manga but now i read & watch it even more & collecting relics of my childhood like bananas in pajamas, the big comfy couch, pokemon snap & such.
things i wanna say to my future self who will read this: i hope you didn't yeet yourself lol i hope you're happy even if it's just less sadness, i hope you found some more reasons to continue this life journey. i hope we don't wake up sad as much & i hope you've had more fun in the future now instead of laying in bed most days crying. keep going, we have things to do that we don't know about yet. places & people we've yet seen or met & more memories to make with loved ones. i love you always. - Kaitlyn (2021 age 26)
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
I Love Saizo Kirigakure Forever 😭💖🍡🌸
